Santa Baby: The Mom Version

Okay, y’all. There is a radio station in Little Rock that starts playing Christmas carols on November 1. Naturally, I’ve been listening since then. I have heard Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby” approximately two million times, and I’m pretty sure she has it wrong. I don’t need a yacht. Or the deed to a platinum mine. But boy, as a mom, I have a long Christmas list for Santa.

So…because I’m not afraid to make a fool of myself in the name of comedy and Christmas spirit, I have written and recorded “Santa Baby: The Mom Version.” Enjoy, y’all, and please hook your mom friends up with some of these gifts!

Click “Play” on the little black bar below to hear me sing. Yes, you read that correctly, and yes, it’s bad. (lyrics below)

 

 

Santa Baby: The Mom Version

By Carrie Tinsley/Carrie On Y’all

Santa baby, just slip a sitter under the tree, for me.

Been an awful good mom, Santa baby.

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Santa baby, the minivan needs detailing too, It’s true.

I’ll wait up for you, dear; Santa baby,

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Think of all the fun I’ve missed;

Think of all the boo-boos that I’ve had to kiss;

Next year I could be just as good…if you

Help my children coexist

 

Santa baby, I want my elf to fall off his shelf…Farewell;

I’ve been saintly all year; Santa baby,

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Santa honey, one little thing I really do need, Indeed…

Some magic with my potty trainee, Santa baby,

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with lots of wine…Divine…

While my feet can recline, Santa cutie,

And hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Come and see my messy house…

If you sent a maid, I wouldn’t tell my spouse.

I really do live on coffee…

A Starbucks card would be perfect for me.

 

Santa baby, and how about someone to cook dinner,

And can I please be thinner?

So hurry down the chimney tonight.

 

Hurry down the chimney tonight.

Hurry, tonight!

 

PS–I am NOT a singer, and yes, I totally know how bad I am. But I’m also pretty sure that Carrie Underwood may record this on her next album.